Around 100 more days...

And it's really insane to think that in about 100 more days I'll be a senior in high school. (I just now realized that the past few posts have been about school/college, etc. I'm just that much of a loser.)
I'm really nervous about passing my Algebra 2 honors class... I won't go into much detail, but lets just say that I'm not doing so hot in that class.
Every other class is AMAZING. I have all 2 A's, and B in my other classes (Yearbook, Psychology, and Spanish.) And my schedule changed for next semester to Speech, English 3 honors, and US History Honors (and yearbook of course!)
Within the past two months, I got a job! I'm a cashier at Lowe's Foods and I absolutely love it. The people there are awesome, I get paid every Friday, and I sometimes see people I know. It's a ton of fun and I'm happy that it's my first job!
There's only 87 school days until prom! This will be my second prom, since I went last year. As of now, I have no date. But I think it'd be fun to go with just my girl friends (:
I didn't get to finish my NaNoWriMo this year, since I was either at work, school, or robotics. November was a really busy month for me, but I'm going to eventually finish my story because I love the idea of it (:
Speaking of writing, I think I might start vlogging once a week starting next year, or at least blogging once a week, rather than every time I remember about this one. Hello, new years resolutions!
And last but not least, Christmas is only 8 day away! This year has gone by so so so fast, and I really can't believe it. I've already gotten my Christmas shopping done for my family, and all I need to do is do my Secret Santa shopping and also make my friend's their presents. I even have a trick up my sleeve for Christmas Day (hehe.)
I hope you all have a great Christmas/Holiday break! (:

This is going to be one of those depressing posts...

Two posts (maybe even three) have been dedicated to school. And each one of them has said something about how 'this will be my year.' But this year, junior year, has not been the best year. So far, freshman year is beating it. That just sucks....
"But this year, Junior year, will be the best," from 'Excited!' 8/5/11.
It sort of depresses me, too. I went into the school year so ready for everything, ready to get all A's, go off campus for lunch, be an upperclassmen, and all that jazz. Instead I've been bogged down for the entire first nine weeks of school. (Speaking of which, it does NOT seem like we've been in school for nine weeks already!)
Algebra 2 Honors: Math has been my best subject up until last year with Geometry, when we had a long term sub. She broke my steady, 2 year, loving relationship up between me and Math. I was devestated to see that I got a C in math, after my final grade in math the past two years above a 95. So I went into Algebra 2 the first few weeks, getting my usual grades. Math and I were back together, or at least flirting for the little while. Then BAM! Math broke up with me this time. I get most things, but tests and quizes are not my friends. I have an 85 in that class currently (which really kills me) but I keep continuing to fail everything, which also kills me.
Spanish 1: Spanish is my best academic class. I'm pretty decent at most things-- conjugating I could be better at-- but I have a 94 in that class. It had never gone below a 94 (it was a steady 97 for the entire first seven weeks or so) until recently, when all of my grades have been suffering. No complaints about this class. Great teacher, okay classmates (for the most part), and we play a lot of games.
Psychology Honors: Hardest class I've taken in high school, but that's expected. I have a few good friends in that class, the teacher is hilarious and he helps me out a lot, we have class mice, and I get majority of it. The only bad thing is that my test anxiety absolutely kills me in this class. My highest test grade in this class is a 74. I study for hours and hours and then the test comes and it kills me. Arg.
Yearbook: I will forever and ever love this class. I love designing the spreads, I love writing the copy, I love taking pictures, I love interviewing, I love the stress by the deadline, I love the people. There's nothing I dislike about this class. We just got our new deadlines, and I'm the only new person that has their own spread this time because my editors think I'm good enough and don't need the help or anything. It makes me happy (: I can't wait to be an editor next year. Last week, we actually went to UNC Chapel Hill's journalism day. We took classes from News and Observer writers and college professors. That field trip proved to me that journalism/communications is the way I want to go.
If school is going to be this way for me all year, I'm insanely screwed next semester. Shakespeare Honors, US History Honors, English 3 Honors, and yearbook. Dang.

I don't really talk to many of my old friends from last year, or any from freshman year, really. I drive a lot. I write a lot (and getting ready for NaNo, which is in 4 days!) I listen to music. I work on yearbook stuff. I hang out with my brother time to time. I go to Walmart. But I don't really hang out with friends. I'm sort of okay with that, honestly. I like being alone. I guess that's a good thing, then.
Maybe I'm just going through another change or something.

CRISIS.

Well, I wouldn't really call it a crisis, but yeah.

Krysta has been my best friend since fifth grade. Six years and we've been through everything. The two of us, even after I moved, have always done everything together. Reading the same books, doing the same things with free time, in love with the same bands (usually) and we usually almost always agree with everything. When we were in middle school, we always planned that we would go to the same college for the same thing (because we both love writing) and then would eventually both get married and have our own families and live next door to each other.

Well, part of this plan is starting to show up around the corner. College is two years away, and we should by now be figuring out what we want to do. I've already figured out that I want to go into Journalism and minor in English Education. I've always wanted to write, and it's the only thing I could really see myself doing. But Krysta on the other hand is freaking out and can't decide. She's going back and forth between being an English teacher, or Creative Writing/Journalism, and Public Relations. And sadly, she's letting others make the choice for her. (I won't go into anymore detail since it's her life and all.)

Today she chatted me up on Facebook telling me her newest plan. It was to do English Education and minor in Public Relations. And as she told me her reasons why (I won't say), I started to think about it: Jobs in journalism are slowly declining. Newspapers are dying, magazines are dying, and books are being turned digital with the kindle and whatever else is out there. The only thing left for journalism would be television and radio, which I'm sure by the time that I'm out of college will also be declining.

So right now, as I am typing this up, I'm thinking about how scared I am. I'm in a mini crisis right now because I don't know if I should go into journalism. I still have another year before I need to apply to colleges, but I need to figure out exactly what so I can choose said college.

I can only see myself writing. I can barely see me as an English Teacher. I always considered psychology, but I'm not as good at science as I should be. Otherwise, nothing else is appealing. And it scares me. It's like I don't know who I am right now.

I will never stop writing no matter what I end up doing. Hopefully as Krysta figures out what exactly she wants to do, I'll decide whether or not journalism is it. Because writing truly is my life. And since Krysta and I have always done everything together, hopefully we'll figure this out together, too.

I really can't believe it...

I'm a junior in high school now, and have been for a month now. It's absolutely insane! It's really hard to fathom that I need to start really looking at colleges now and everything. Granted, I've known what I've wanted to do since I was eight (be an author) and since freshman year it's been Journalism/Communications. It's just really hard to believe that in just a year and 8 months I'll be graduating high school! I can really remember my first day of Kindergarten, my first day of second grade in Crowders Creek, my first day of seventh grade at Clover Junior High, my first day of eight grade in Apex, and then first day of freshman year. It's crazy! Time has flown by SO fast. It really feels like just last week I was in Clover with my middle school friends. And here I am in Apex, looking at colleges for Communications, and focusing my classes and getting my license.

It's also hard to believe, at least in my opinion, that I'm sixteen now, and have been for around a month. I'm the youngest in my family, with my older brothers being 22 and almost 26, and my half-sister being 32. I'm used to being the youngest, being under ten and sitting at the kids table for giant family events like Christmas or Thanksgiving or stuff like that. Or going to the kids service at church, or sitting in the back seat of the car, being treated like a child, being in middle and elementary school, etc. It's weird being treated like the young adult that I am. It's weird seeing my grandparents or my aunts and uncle and them saying how much I've grown up since we moved here four years ago. It's weird thinking that I'm going to start driving on my own in less than a week. It's weird that I'm being called ma'am or miss now at stores. It's weird that I'm getting a job soon. It's weird being this old. I feel like I'm not the youngest in my family now because I'm treated with so much respect, just from my parents and my brother who lives here. It's scary thinking that I'll be out of the house in less than two years, even though I've been counting down the months for the past two years or so. But that's what happens, really. Everybody grows up. It's my time, I guess.

Like I stated earlier, I've been looking at colleges lately. I've officially decided on Communications for my major, and I'd love to minor in English Education. I have my top three schools with everything from tuition to location and clubs on a list. Right now I'm focusing on Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC, which is ironically close to where I moved from. Also in the top three is WCU and App State. I'm starting college tours, I'm getting ready to take the SAT soon, and I'm focusing even more on my grades this year.

Speaking of this school year, this is SO my year so far! I'm taking Algebra 2 honors, Spanish 1, Psychology Honors, and Yearbook this semester. Psychology is definitely my hardest class this semester, but it's so interesting and I love it. I just hope I can at least get a B in it. My goal this year is all A's, since I maintained an A/B average last year (except for geometry because of the stupid sub we had...)

I suppose that's all! I'll upload some pictures of this year so far. (:


On my 16th birthday, and this is my staff picture for yearbook (:

Family picture at my birthday dinner!

Me and Stephen with our animal balloons that we got at the mall (:

It was super hero day during spirit week, and me, Gillian, and Roxy were the powerpuff girls (:

A picture of me taken the other day... let's just go on a flashback and see a picture of me when I was like two...

I wonder what I'd look like if I was still blond...
If you can, go watch this video my mom put together for my birthday! I love it, and I cried watching it the first time. click here for it!

Excited!

So, summer vacation is almost over; only three more weeks. And I can honestly say that this summer pretty much sucked, especially compared to last year. Last year I basically lived at Becky's, and this summer I barely saw her. I was only in Clover for four days and one of them I went to Carowinds with my Clover guys (which was the highlight of my summer). I went to Harkers Island without a friend, and didn't even go swimming, although I wrote for the entire weekend which was good for me. I hung out with friends very few times, and I pretty much spent the summer sleeping or chatting online on Neopets. It was indeed a lazy summer. I started reading Harry Potter, started a new novel (which will slowly fail and end up being crap), and I played sims for a majority. I guess you can say it was fun? I also went to Yearbook camp for 3 days, which was amazingly fun(:

I said earlier how I pretty much sat on my butt since the beginning of June chatting on Neopets... and I'm not ashamed of it, honestly. I made great new friends, and I consider a few of them to be really close to me. I would honestly rather have online friends just because it's so much easier. They don't know my real life friends, so when I go to them for advice they're not biased towards a certain friend or family member. It's also easier to confide in them, at least in my opinion. I'm glad that I started up Neopets again.

Yearbook camp, rather than band camp, pretty much started the school year for me. It was August 1-3, and we still have three weeks till school starts, but I'm honestly more excited than I ever have been for school to start before. Freshman year was horrible... drama with band, guys, family, school, everything. It ruined me by the time second semester started. Sophomore year was okay for the most part, until second semester when I started having insomnia and I had a lot of drama with friends and my geometry class. But this year, Junior year, will be the best. I figured that out with yearbook camp. The girls there were so much fun, and it'll be that much fun with everyone else that will be there. I love my schedule, despite the fact that I don't have physics this year, but I have psychology, so I'll just have to take that senior year, which is fine by me. I'm going to be more confident and believe in myself more this year. I'm insanely excited, if you can't tell. :P

I turn 16 in 25 days. That means I'll get my license, which is the best part. In 20 days is my party, and I'll already have my new camera by then. A few of my friends want me to do their senior portraits, so it'll be perfect for me to get used to my new camera before yearbook starts.

I can't say it enough how this will be MY year. I'm just excited for it (:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Today at church, the 2nd time I've gone within the past month, this was the ending of the sermon. I'll be honest and say that throughout the sermon of how Jesus was a bad boy walking through Samria, Israel in the chapter of John, and talks to the Samaritan woman, I barely listened. I just didn't quite understand where the Pastor was going with it until he said "two roads diverged in a yellow wood," and how Jesus took the road less traveled. That was when I started listening. And now, I really have no idea whatsoever what road I want to take with my Religion. And that is why I decided to blog about it.

I was baptized Presbyterian. I went to church for most of my life. In Georgia, my parents forced me and my siblings to go for what I can remember. Usually I just stayed in the daycare, but when I would sit in the sermon, I enjoyed it. I always did.

Then when we moved to Clover, my mom and brothers stopped going. My dad and I started going to Pleasant Hill, which later became my life. I absolutely loved it, and also the fact that I had the choice whether or not to go, or what I wanted to be involved with. And I was involved with everything I could be: youth group, girl scouts, children's choir, and I went to Sunday school and every service of church on Sundays. I just loved it, really. I was eventually confirmed in the Presbyterian domination. But I didn't actually start to believe believe (I just went off of what I was told) until I went to Look Up Lodge with my youth group. Those two years I went, it changed my life. It was exhilarating, and it breaks my heart every time I start to think of LUL just because I miss it so much, along with my youth group. That was when I started to actually have my own opinion, rather than just believing whatever I'm told.

But that was also when stuff at home started to get worse. I won't go into details, but it was bad, with my dad out of work, and my mom with her Arthritis. And I continued to pray to God that things would stay stable for a while, and then get better, rather than getting worse. My dad soon got a job. That was the main reason I became such a big Christian, I believed that my prayers had been answered by God, which made me feel special.

Since my dad had finally got a job, we then had to move. At first I was upset with it, but within two hours of learning this, I realized that this was God's plan, and I had to accept it. So I did. I knew I was going to miss my friends, my house, and where I grew up at, but the main thing I missed was Pleasant Hill. That was my true home, and I was leaving it. So once we moved to Apex, I stopped going to church. Mostly because my dad and I couldn't find one, but I was too stubborn to like any church because none of them were like Pleasant Hill. My dad soon found one, and I went maybe three times with him before everything went downhill, and I stopped going for two years.

Cindy had been killed in a car crash. Cindy was the choir director at Pleasant Hill, was my second mother (along with pretty much every child at that church), and my hero. And she always will be. I looked up to her, even after I moved. I went to PH 3 times after I had moved before she died, and she would always welcome me just like I had never left. When she died, it just broke my heart into a million pieces. I felt like this was my punishment for not going to church anymore. Then other stuff started happening with my family, and every time I would pray, things would just get worse over time. So I felt like God wasn't listening, or he just wanted to see me suffer because I didn't go to church anymore. So in conclusion, for a while, I stopped worshiping. I didn't go to church, I didn't pray, I didn't read the Bible, and I would try my best to not talk about Religion with my friends. I would also say a big part of me not going to church was because my new friends here didn't believe in God. In Clover, my friends already knew how big of a Christian I was, and they accepted me. I felt like my new friends wouldn't.

Anyways, two years after Cindy died, I met one of my now close friends, Michael, who is Atheist. I confided everything in him, with my background, personal life, and Religion. Then one day he said, "I want to take you to church. I think it'll be good for you." A few weeks later, I stepped into a church for the first time in two years. I felt something I haven't in a while, and that was acceptance. I felt like I was at home again, even if it was just my high school auditorium. When the band was singing, the last song they sang was "Forgiven," which was the one solo I had gotten in my youth choir at church. It reminded me of Cindy, and I started crying. It made me think of everything that had happened while I went to Pleasant Hill, all five years. And it made me miss it. Then I decided that it was a sign, and I would start going to church again.

I didn't go for three weeks because I was afraid of what was going to happen. But today I really wanted to go. And I'm glad I did, even if I barely payed attention to the sermon until the end when I heard my favorite poem. I want to take the road less traveled (of my friends) and start going to church again (most of my friends are either Atheists or don't go to church). I want to get close with God again. I don't know how, though.

That was my Religious background, and also I guess sort of a rant. I just felt compelled to blog about it. Thanks for reading.

First (official) day of summer!

Today as of 1:36pm, it is the first day of Summer. Of course, I've been out of school since June 6, so a little bit over two weeks. And it's been pretty fun, actually. I started it off just relaxing and sleeping in late. Then I went down to Clover and had fun with my best friend of six years now, Krysta. On Monday I went to Carowinds with my guy friends from Clover and Michael, who drove down from Holly Springs for this haha. It was completely worth it, though. I got back and stayed the week with Becky, watching a bunch of movies and swimming. It was the perfect start to summer.

Devin, me, Austin, and Michael after riding the Intimidator for the 9th time. Best roller coaster ever!

I got my report card for sophomore year the other day. My first semester grades were all A's and B's, which I was completely proud about. And for second semester I got 2 B's, and A, and a C. AGH! The stupid C was in geometry... ugh I hate that class. But hey, I'm done with and now I'm onto junior year! I can't believe that I only have 2 years left before college... it's absolutely crazy. Next year I signed up for english 3 honors, algebra 2 honors, us history honors, physics honors, yearbook (year round), Shakespeare honors, and Spanish 1. I'm quite excited for yearbook!

Recently I've had really bad writer's block. I know what I want to write, and I'll start it and everything. The first page or so is good, but after page 5, everything sucks and it's only like a few word sentences, and the dialogue is very short and there's too much of it. GAH. I wish I had a cure for writer's block...

Speaking of writer's block, I don't know what to write here.... So, I will go back to my lazy day of watching tv. Enjoy your summer!

IT'S almost here

And by IT, I mean summer.
It's May 30th. We have one more full day, (May 31st) and then four exam days in which we get out at 11:40 or 10:30. It's amazing how fast sophomore year flew by. It started nine months ago, with marching band. I met some awesome people, quit band, had some drama, became stronger, found my true friends, became a better writer, became a published author, lost weight, became happier, had some guy drama (of course), started a club, joined a new club, and so much more stuff. I had fun, though. And next year will be even better. I really can't wait. Two more years of high school... that's insane just thinking about it...

With summer starting, that means three things: sleep, friends, and sun. I really can't wait to sleep in until 11am-1pm every day, stay up until 1 or 3 am with my friends. Party at the pool every day, tan, hang out with friends, take pictures and always smiling and laughing, and everything like that. If last summer was that awesome, this summer will be amazing. I'm starting it off with driving down to Clover, of course. It's Krysta's 16th birthday this year, which will be awesome :D Hopefully I'll get to see some of my friends that I haven't seen since 7th grade. Then I come back, and go hang out with my friends that I don't get to see that much during the school year. Hopefully go to the beach at one point during the summer, maybe an amusement park, get a new camera, and just have fun. That's what summer's supposed to be about, right? Freedom from no school.

I can't wait.

I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way.

So, I apologize that it's been literally months since I've updated this. Just too busy to write, period. Lately I've just been writing in a notebook during school, but never outside of school anymore. It really depresses me, too.

It's spring break, and I planned on spending time with my friends and writing. I've spent it all with my friends, pretty much. Started off pretty boring, but I ended up hanging out with my neighbor the day before she left. On Monday I went to see Scream 4 with my boyfriend, and tuesday I went to the beach with a bunch of friends. It's Wednesday afternoon, and I'm outside for the first time all day and writing this blog. I'm listening to my iPod, drinking iced coffee, and elevating my ankle. It's really pretty outside; that's what I love about spring. It's just so beautiful. So beautiful. And it always gives me so much inspiration to write, usually, when i go sit outside. I don't know why, though. Maybe because it's a different environment than my room, or the living room? Maybe because it's pretty? Who knows. But hey, if it makes me write, then that's all that matters.

This school year has gone by so fast, it's absolutely crazy. I mean, we only have one quarter left in the school year. Just 8 weeks. One of them we don't have school due to make up exams, and the week before that is all half days because of exams. So, technically, 6 more weeks. That is absolutely crazy. This has been the best semester of high school so far, though. Robotics has made my life a lot happier. Probably because I'm with a bunch of awesome people, or because I'm rarely home due to that. But now that's ended thanks to off season. But not too much longer. I've done exceptionally well this year with my grades. I've been on the A/B honor roll all year, and that makes me extremely happy. It's cutting it close with geometry and civics, stupid test anxiety. But i'll deal with it, and continue to work on it. Next year I signed up to take yearbook, english 3 honors, us history honors, algebra 2 honors, physicis honors, and Shakespeare<3 I'm excited for junior year. i'll also be getting my license. :D

Lately I've been accepting a lot about myself. It's hard to explain, but it's true. I mean, it's nothing really big, but yeah. I've recently joined the GSA at my school. I learned that I'm a lot more into Gay Rights that I thought I was, even if I am straight. I've also recently become a vegetarian, thanks to two people in robotics. My parents don't exactly approve of it, but my brother does. I learned that I really like helping people and that I really wanna help out people in old-folks home, or rehabilitation, or soup kitchens even. I need more information on that.... I learned that I'm also a Liberal, thanks to my Civics class (see? I do pay attention!) I've just learned a lot about myself haha. It's nice, really.

I'm gonna go try to write some. If only I had an idea for a story.... and also if only creative writing 2 would be offered at my school! Thanks for reading Through These Eyes.<3

It's been forever....

It saddens me that I never update this anymore... but in my defense I am NEVER home! I always have robotics, which actually makes me really happy. I started off joining just to photograph for it, as my friend Michaela was pretty much forcing me to join, but as the season went on, I actually started to enjoy it more. I started doing other stuff besides taking pictures and writing, I gained friends (and a boyfriend :P) and it just makes me really happy.
That's pretty much the only thing I can think of to write about, robotics, which is actually where I'm about to leave to go to... :D
Thanks for reading(:

New Years resolution

I know it's sort of late, but I don't really update my blog anymore(obviously). But I want to share with you my resolutions for this year.

1-write everyday for 30 minutes to an hour. I have had an extremely bad case of writers block since November. I've read that authors they always force themselves to write when they have writers block. Hopefully this will help it go away?
2-exercise and lose the weight. i know that probably every woman puts this on their list, but i am very serious about it this year. only certain people know why...actually I really don't think anyone does... but I really have to.
3-gain editing skills(again) every good photographer has pretty awesome editing skills. I used to be pretty skilled with photoshop, but then I just lost it.
4-get good grades. first semester is pretty much over, just two more exams. As of now, I have 2 A's and 2 B's. So, hopefully I can keep that up. I'm excited for second semester, and hopefully I can maybe even get all A's? (that will make me have to learn study skills)
5- be confident. pretty much explains it all. if i was actually confident, I have a feeling I could do much better in pretty much everything.

wish me luck(:

new zodiac sign?

So, here I am. I'm at a local coffee shop in downtown Apex writing. And I go to check my email on yahoo, and I see something about adding a new zodiac sign? So I didn't think it was that big of a deal and read it anyways. So, I read it, found it kind of interesting, and found out my sign changed. I am so mad about it, it's not even funny. Okay, I lied, it is definitely funny. I loved being a virgo, and now I'm a leo? That's not cool. I've gone 15 years being a virgo and now it changes.
I called my mom and said "they made a new zodiac sign," and she didn't believe me. So, I posted the link on her wall on facebook, and she believed me then. She went from Libra to Virgo. It's kind of funny, because right away Becky texted everyone in her phone, and everyone changed, and they are all pissed about it. haha. Becky and I changed together, though<3
So, has your sign changed?
http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/2011/01/ophiuchus-new-zodiac-sign-dates-and-your-real-astrological-sign.html