Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Today at church, the 2nd time I've gone within the past month, this was the ending of the sermon. I'll be honest and say that throughout the sermon of how Jesus was a bad boy walking through Samria, Israel in the chapter of John, and talks to the Samaritan woman, I barely listened. I just didn't quite understand where the Pastor was going with it until he said "two roads diverged in a yellow wood," and how Jesus took the road less traveled. That was when I started listening. And now, I really have no idea whatsoever what road I want to take with my Religion. And that is why I decided to blog about it.

I was baptized Presbyterian. I went to church for most of my life. In Georgia, my parents forced me and my siblings to go for what I can remember. Usually I just stayed in the daycare, but when I would sit in the sermon, I enjoyed it. I always did.

Then when we moved to Clover, my mom and brothers stopped going. My dad and I started going to Pleasant Hill, which later became my life. I absolutely loved it, and also the fact that I had the choice whether or not to go, or what I wanted to be involved with. And I was involved with everything I could be: youth group, girl scouts, children's choir, and I went to Sunday school and every service of church on Sundays. I just loved it, really. I was eventually confirmed in the Presbyterian domination. But I didn't actually start to believe believe (I just went off of what I was told) until I went to Look Up Lodge with my youth group. Those two years I went, it changed my life. It was exhilarating, and it breaks my heart every time I start to think of LUL just because I miss it so much, along with my youth group. That was when I started to actually have my own opinion, rather than just believing whatever I'm told.

But that was also when stuff at home started to get worse. I won't go into details, but it was bad, with my dad out of work, and my mom with her Arthritis. And I continued to pray to God that things would stay stable for a while, and then get better, rather than getting worse. My dad soon got a job. That was the main reason I became such a big Christian, I believed that my prayers had been answered by God, which made me feel special.

Since my dad had finally got a job, we then had to move. At first I was upset with it, but within two hours of learning this, I realized that this was God's plan, and I had to accept it. So I did. I knew I was going to miss my friends, my house, and where I grew up at, but the main thing I missed was Pleasant Hill. That was my true home, and I was leaving it. So once we moved to Apex, I stopped going to church. Mostly because my dad and I couldn't find one, but I was too stubborn to like any church because none of them were like Pleasant Hill. My dad soon found one, and I went maybe three times with him before everything went downhill, and I stopped going for two years.

Cindy had been killed in a car crash. Cindy was the choir director at Pleasant Hill, was my second mother (along with pretty much every child at that church), and my hero. And she always will be. I looked up to her, even after I moved. I went to PH 3 times after I had moved before she died, and she would always welcome me just like I had never left. When she died, it just broke my heart into a million pieces. I felt like this was my punishment for not going to church anymore. Then other stuff started happening with my family, and every time I would pray, things would just get worse over time. So I felt like God wasn't listening, or he just wanted to see me suffer because I didn't go to church anymore. So in conclusion, for a while, I stopped worshiping. I didn't go to church, I didn't pray, I didn't read the Bible, and I would try my best to not talk about Religion with my friends. I would also say a big part of me not going to church was because my new friends here didn't believe in God. In Clover, my friends already knew how big of a Christian I was, and they accepted me. I felt like my new friends wouldn't.

Anyways, two years after Cindy died, I met one of my now close friends, Michael, who is Atheist. I confided everything in him, with my background, personal life, and Religion. Then one day he said, "I want to take you to church. I think it'll be good for you." A few weeks later, I stepped into a church for the first time in two years. I felt something I haven't in a while, and that was acceptance. I felt like I was at home again, even if it was just my high school auditorium. When the band was singing, the last song they sang was "Forgiven," which was the one solo I had gotten in my youth choir at church. It reminded me of Cindy, and I started crying. It made me think of everything that had happened while I went to Pleasant Hill, all five years. And it made me miss it. Then I decided that it was a sign, and I would start going to church again.

I didn't go for three weeks because I was afraid of what was going to happen. But today I really wanted to go. And I'm glad I did, even if I barely payed attention to the sermon until the end when I heard my favorite poem. I want to take the road less traveled (of my friends) and start going to church again (most of my friends are either Atheists or don't go to church). I want to get close with God again. I don't know how, though.

That was my Religious background, and also I guess sort of a rant. I just felt compelled to blog about it. Thanks for reading.